Random Rants, and My Boiling Blood Pressure.

Yesterday, my BP rose to a whopping 130/100 - a reading that's way beyond the borderline high blood pressure range. I was so nauseous that things around me were either tilting or spinning before my eyes. I almost fell over while making my way to the bed, where I stayed for the rest of the night. Maimed because of my dizziness, I couldn't even stand to cook food so my brother took Yue home with him (he lives next door) to eat dinner.

And speaking of the little man, I give him credit for having the capacity to really make my blood boil. While I was busy cleaning up the mess he made in our living room, Yue sneaked out of the back door and ran outside the house. Good thing my sister-in-law chanced upon him while he was making a dash towards the exit. Sis-in-law followed after Yue, who was already outside the gate when she caught up with him. One thing you must know, we live along the national highway so imagine what could have happened had Yue attempted to run - let alone walk - outside.

A wave of emotions - fear, anger, frustration, disappointment - swept me after this incident, and not being able to contain them, I gave Yue a really hard slap on his bottom and spent the next thirty minutes berating him. This drove him to tears, and while it pains me seeing his grief-stricken face, I can not bring myself to sweep him in a comforting hug.

An example of Yue's drama actor face.

Yue and I are going through episodes of power struggle these days, and he uses his wailing and screaming and my grandmother who spoils him rotten as a way to win over me. Lately, he hardly listens to what I'm saying; he will only do so after I raise my voice or raise my hand as if I were going to hit him. While I may have managed to control my temper after being a mom, my rambunctious toddler now has a way of pushing my buttons and driving me to the edge of my sanity. Moments like these make me wonder if I was this uncontrollably exuberant when I was a child (my Mum tells me I was a spoiled brat, too). Or if Yue would be a lot more behaved if his Daddy were here to do the disciplining.

My only consolation is that the little devil knows how to apologize. After a good half hour of crying and sensing that his drama is not working on me, he coyly took my hand and said, "Mommy, sorry na po. Hindi na ako uulit." (Mommy, I'm sorry. I won't do it again.) I took a deep breath, and said, "Okay. Stop crying," and gave him a hug. But at the back of my mind I was wondering how long will his promise hold.